Find me.

There’s this dream I keep having where my sister is drowning, and she is calling out to me, crying and sputtering begging me to save her, and as I charge through the water the waves keep coming, crashing hard against my weak and fragile soul. I struggle and get pulled under the water, but I am fighting so hard, because I want to save her. I need to save her.
On the other side of this ocean, I see people that she knows, previous counselors, friends, and family that have all in some way given up on her. Whether they believe it or not, they are there watching me desperately fight to reach her and pull her to safety with no effort on their own to rescue her from the waters of temptation.
It startles me to see them, just watching when they see her on the brink of death and yet they are the one’s that have contributed to where she is currently. I refuse to give up, but the more and more I swim towards her the more energy I begin to lose and my fight is almost up. I can feel the current dragging me down, and I’m frustrated because I am typically a good swimmer and she need’s me, I need to save her but there’s something in the way that I don’t quite understand.
The reality of this dream hurts me when I wake up, because as I realize I cannot save her. I am in disbelief because some days it feels like no one else wants to save her anymore.
I am thrown back towards the shore barely breathing, hurting physically and emotionally from the harsh waves that have brought me back to where I am now. It appears as though no one is out there with her, no one else is going to save her and she is losing hope and slowly going under, struggling to keep her head above water.
Out of no where I see this arm reach for her and this time it connects and I’m sure not even my sister knows what is happening or what is holding her up at this point. The hand holds on to her wrist refusing to let go, allowing her to catch her breath. This is when I realize I am not the one who is going to save her this time. Peace overcomes me but I am still skeptical because she is not reaching out, she is scared and struggling to get away still calling my name, she hasn’t seen the bigger picture. No matter how hard she struggles she is still being held up, frightened but not so alone, and that’s where I wake up.
During my journey with my sister, I have often forgotten to draw strength from something bigger than myself. At times I have felt so weak I have wanted to give up, but I have finally gotten this message. I am not the one who can save her. In the midst of the unconditional love I give her, God is the hand holding her above water. He knows her every breath, and even when she’s scared and tries to pull away turning to other things to save her, he refuses to let go. This is my God that holds her, believes in her, and will save her. Even though I have forgotten my role in this equation, He has brought me back again and again to this place of peace and realization that He’s got this. I cannot wait for the day when she turns to Him, and realizes that He is there.
I will continue to struggle, grow and cry out with my sister in the midst of her journey; thank goodness I have such an amazing strength to draw from.
Be with her Father. Be with her.

b.