Sometimes i wonder.

I've now been at camp for about 3 1/2 weeks.
Its an amazing feeling to be surrounded by people who love God, and love me, and are willing to sacrifice everything to be here. But yesterday i came to the realisation that not everyone here is at a good point in their lives, that not everyone was strong in their faith like the initial impression that i had percieved.
As i began to grow closer to a boy at camp, i began to see that he was most likely struggling with his faith, and could use a little " pick me up " . So i began to welcome him to belong. This is a HUGE thing, that we as Christians need to work on, because sometimes we arent very welcoming at all.
Anyways, so i befriended him, and although he knew several other people on staff, i felt as if i would be a person to bring him closer to being back on track, and he was an amazing person to get to know.
3 weeks into our staff adventure as i like to call it, i noticed that he had with drawn alittle, and began to venture out and do things outside of our staff circle. During one of his outings , he got into a car accident, trying to avoid a deer, and hit a tree. It scared me SO much to think that he was in an accident, but it was weird, because that night, i felt like he needed me.
With that feeling, i was talking to my room mate Grace, and i told her that i was going to text him to tell him i was there for him, and i was praying for him, to here later the next day, that he did need me, and woke up after the accident at 5am, and returned to the camp with a crap car, and a headache.
As if that was the end of it.

3 or so days later, about 2 days into LTD week, i found out that he had resigned from Gull lake staff, and would be returning to Calgary, to find a job that could pay enough money to get his car fixed.

this BROKE MY HEART. i didnt understand why he had to leave, i mean i knew that every one on staff would gladly chip in to give him some money to fix his car, and i knew that this reason was just a reason to cover up for the real reason he wanted to leave.
did i do everything that i could have done to help him out? my initial reaction was no. I ran to him, and we talked about him leaving, and i made him share his story, in which God played little to no part in.
I told him i would pray for him, everyday, and i have, to this day, prayed for him, prayed for strength, renewal, peace, forgiveness and hope, but that didnt make me feel any better.
As he left, and i watched him drive away, i felt as if i had lost my chance . lost my chance to shower him in God's love, and being a compassionate person, i blamed no one but myself.

I welcomed him to belong, but i never got to challenge him to become. To grow in God, to challenge him in his faith, he just left.
So i questioned what God wanted me to do. i THOUGHT he wanted me to show him to this boy, to help this boy grow, to be there for him, pray for him, be a shoulder he could rely on. And he does, and still needs me to do that, but what was my purpose in his life?
I had multiple conversations with people, talking about how i felt as if i had failed him, as if i hadnt completed my job.
But maybe its just the beginning, and maybe God has a bigger plan for him. just maybe.

Im working on forgiving myself, growing in God, and learning how to interpret and listen to him specifically.

God works in mysterious ways,

please pray for my friend.

pray that i planted a seed.

pray that God's plan will come into play soon.

this summer is going to be one heck of a ride.

let me tell you.

Bree